Pulse Poem by J.L. Nash

I do have an enormous sense of self control
no matter what the guys might think
the ones who were drinking at the shoreline bar Saturday
as I half fell into the lagoon
and had to be dragged into the dingy by Phil
the new dive instructor in town
you see I had planned to get drunk the previous night
in fact I hadn’t stopped drinking
(since the previous night and there I was half wet in a dingy
hitching a ride around the corner)

I do have an enormous sense of self control
and my confessions of self denial on the Friday
proves this undoubtedly as it was on the Friday
late that I tore at my face
to reveal underskin blisters of inadequacy
hidden for three years past
there are no mirror in my house
so I had done to another’s to see
(where my reflection sadly looked like me
and not some other person I could ignore)

I do have an enormous sense of self control
despite what my cousin or best friend might say
if by chance you should see them together
and ask them about me but that’s a huge
presumption on my part to think you have the time
or the inclination to know
and I may still fall into the lagoon or lose my shoes
in your presence one warm dark night
(when the stars are bright and when marlin have been caught
think of my action as a celebration)

I do have an enormous sense of self control
although I have taken flagrant liberties with those I should not
because my greed is always rationed
giving me bitesized pleasure
enabling a way of living free from vicarious pleasure
a life that holds each moment
and through momentary cleansing wet legs lost shoes and underskin blisters
I am celebrating my own pulse
(….
…)