Regret Poem by Thomas Bates

I slipped up regretfully on the last shreds
Of remaining honesty
and what little I had left
of respect
for myself.
For how long has it been a situation such as this, standing
knee-deep in uncompromising,
stagnant
waters?
uncompromised, strained - it
never should have have been
such a task-like chore -
a little sympathy
any tenderness
(on my part)
for the people who I feel and know once loved me
for my honesty and lack of deceit,
understanding i had been fooling myself
and i was as well as lost,
taking tenderness for granted.

Yes,
I lost interest in the music I loved
and in
the woman who felt
the desire over anybody else to be
my partner in patience and adoration, with her goal and intention
to get through the wave after wave
of our lifetimes; i still love her so.

as for the friends I had,
i'd like to thank
them all, who put up with blindness
and kind-heartedly offered their friendship
and shelter
for me...
in such days of long ago.
I live in a southern town of Tennessee now.
to be honest
I have no close idea
as to how long I have been here
in this continuation of years flowing by
fast and subtle, in a fashion of dear time's clever passing.

I belong no where but in rooms.

from the west coast to this more conservative area of the country,
the methods of dealing with my inner self
remains high up on the lists
of priorities.
so much, by now, is swept beneath the rug, so to say,
but I think i can see a spark engaging in color
someplace up ahead
in the picture,
a slim hovering of hope, love and many undescribable
reasons for living
a life; the further half of it
in touch, conversation
and in many instances of heart-felt thankfulness
and
smiling.