Reponsibility Poem by Sawyer Anne Scott

You wanted me
You begged for me
But now
I'm a curse aren't I

The second you came back from the other world
You were on such a high pedestal
Then you fell
And I didn't even see it
Everyone else did though
He did, you made him so angry
You wanted everything
From the beauty, to the popularity, to the people in your bed
Can't believe there was a time he loved you
You betrayed us you know
You were lost to us
In the mountains of vanity and unfaithfulness
We were your children

A sister turned mother
With the world on her shoulders
She loved me when you didn't love either of us
You turned on us
Screaming and tears echo in my ears
It wasn't our fault
We were your responsibility
How dare you hate us for surviving without you
You crushed us both
Made us sick to live
Acted so hurt when you received no love
Sister made the right choice
Leaving you
But, sadly
She left me too

I'm alone now
Your new burden
You're suddenly a mother!
Like the first three times didn't teach you
My tears forever burnt into my cheeks
From arguments that lasted hours
Spite was my soul
Anger, my life
If you were going to act like I was a
Monster
I was prepared to act like one

He said to tough it out
He was my one escape
A teary phone call almost every night
Two weekends a month
Wasn't enough time away
From you
He pieced himself back together
While I fell apart

Took a doctors visit to tell us
How deep your actions really went
I walk through it
Every day with you
You complain "I'm in pain"
Like I'm the one who ruined everything
You wanted me
So take responsibility
Stop acting like I'm a burden
"You're a disappointment"
Tell me one too many times
Who knows what I'll do
Now it's a weekly debate on who to kill
Me
Or you.

I've apologized
Not for my behavior
For living
For being such a curse on you
You apologized too
But you don't understand why you had to

I hate you
I said it
I don't remember why I did it
Held my hand over a flame
Until the skin turned red
Didn't make me feel better
Just angrier
You made me into this
A mess, a monster
But you're still acting like I'm to blame
Maybe I am
For not leaving sooner
For holding on for so damn long
So people could tell me that I'm so strong
One day it was too much
I called him
Said I couldn't live with you
Bet you didn't think I'd actually go through with it
Did you

Took one week
To remove my life from yours
To move down the highway
Took longer to organize my room
He holds me when I finish, not long enough
But it was more than what I got with you
I didn't let you touch me

You still act like I'm the worst
Like I'm the master behind our group chats and phone calls
Not my fault they hate you
I told them the truth about what you did to me
I heard them call you one night
Heard your furious excuses
How your pain was worse than mine
How strong your passion was for anything that wasn't your children

I come around, less than I did with him
I have to explain to teachers
why this number should be used
Why I don't live there anymore
It hurts not being there
The place I was born, the place I was raised
There was so much love in that house
But more leaked out every year
Then it was just you
It was always yours
Your feelings
Your pain
Your loss and gain
Your tragedy in losing me
Me
Your horrible responsibility