Revenge Is Sweet Poem by John Carter Brown

I'm feeling very vengeful,
I really just can't wait,
Until the kids are older,
And in their married state.
It's then I'll get my own back
For all the things they've done;
For all the grief they've caused me,
And boy will it be fun.

When I am asked to baby-sit
I'll smile and say 'Okay, '
And then as soon as they are gone
I'll have my wicked way.
My evenings entertainment
Won't be to watch the telly;
I'll watch THEIR children daub the place
With yellow paint or jelly.

Of leaving every light on
I'll surely have my fill;
I'll make GRAND contributions
To THEIR electric-bill;
I'll search out every socket,
And fill it, and switch on;
I'll make that meter fly around
Or my name isn't John.

When I go to the bathroom,
And then I wash my hands,
I'll leave THEIR basin full of soap
And THEN they'll understand.
And as I leave I'll just make sure
The comb is full of hairs;
Just like it was in days gone by
When mine was full of THEIRS.

I'll have a happy time of it,
I'll really go to town;
I'll dirty all THEIR dishes
And leave them spread around.
I'll turn on every radio,
And leave them on full blast
Perhaps it will remind them
Of THEIR racket in the past.

And as I flit from room to room
I WILL NOT close a door;
It's better that those kids of mine
Don't know just what's in store.
I'll bounce down on THEIR sofa
And knock the cushions off;
And then I'll put my feet up,
And lie there like a toff.

And so I feel much better,
While waiting for my treat;
It won't be long 'til I can say:
'It's true... revenge IS sweet.'

Written Dec 1994