Rewind Poem by Marlene Rashidi

Telling the untold story of my childhood
Rewinding the despicable memories that withdraws me from fully happiness
To me when I was a little girl
peace meant war
and joy meant agony, because it came with sacrifices

Rewind..........

Back to the time when I would sell cassava leaves
and pounded maize just to help my family
I wondered where I’d get money to buy medicine
for my beloved mother and late brother as they were diagnosed with tuberculosis

Rewind...........

Back to the time when my dreams were filled with nothing
but dust and less hope
When I’d just sit on porch with bricks unpainted and cracked
just waiting for our landlord to kick my family out of a one roomed shelter
It’s all gone now, but engraved in my heart

Rewind..........

To the time when my sick yet strong mother kept telling me to put a smile
on my face, because all these sufferings aren’t meant for us
“Smile dear, smile. Fill the whole house with laughters.” she’d say
And all I could think of is how to raise on my feet and scream
“Mother, mother stop. we can’t shut out anguish, it’s with us
mother, stop pretending that it is all well.”
The struggle was there, I just wanted to scream, shout, and spit words
that’ll make your blood boil like lava, but then my voice was sucked in by that anguish
You could hear my mother’s heart ache
You could hear it’s theme song
As it sings praises like we were it’s appraisal

Rewind..........

Back to the time when I thought that the heaven has caged in all their blessing
where I thought that the Lord has forsaken his own, I began to deny my salvation
back to the time when instead of tears of joy, like when a barren woman gives birth
falling down my face, tears of pain did

How I wish I could save all those tears that flowed like rivers
so that my distress can drown in them in slow motion
Life isn’t perfect, it’s like an endless movie all about bittersweet
and a little fast to the sweet part could’ve saved lives.

Rewind..........

It’s all gone now. I can’t remember a single thing.