Search Me If You Will Poem by Don Subba

There's a sadness to my joy
And a darkness to my day
That looks me in the eye
And speaks not, as if to say:

I wake up with the weight
Already sitting in my chest
A sweet thing turns to gravel
Every time I try to rest

Search me if you will
I'm right here in the rain
Hold my hand a moment
Then let it call my name

Search me if you will
Search me if you will
You can turn me inside out
I still won't spill

Search me if you will
Search me if you will
Some hurts don't answer back
They just learn how to live

'Search me if you will, find me if you do,
But you'll never know the answer
To the pain that riddles you.'

So I carry it like stone
In my pocket by the seam
A quiet little thunder
Beneath the ribs of my dream

Maybe that's the shape of me
The bruise beneath the glow
I can laugh and still be breaking
In ways you'll never know

And if you reach for the answer
You may only find the scar
A small and stubborn country
I've been guarding in the dark

Search me if you will
Search me if you will
You can turn me inside out
I still won't spill

Search me if you will
Search me if you will
Some hurts don't answer back
They just learn how to live

Search me if you will
Search me if you will
I wear my joy like morning
And my sorrow like a shield