Searching For Meaning In Words Poem by Amanda Saveley

I want to create beauty in desperation
To write and have my pencil cry
Stain my paper-mache emotions
But I have no soul
No deep-embedded sympathy
With which to make me bleed
Only hollow words
And shallow analogy
I have acquired the intelligence...
The brain...
The intellect...
But I have not the ability to feel what I'm writing
Therefore, I cannot relate
No wonder I am not gotten
Misunderstood anguish
So unbelievable
So quickly I abandon in dispair
I want to believe
To understand
Deeper than the ocean in which I am drowning myself
I need a connection
From my paper to the pen
From the pen to my arm
From my arm to my mind
From my mind
To my heart
Where I may bleed emotion out through said pen
In empathetic ink
Not sold on God's green earth
To become that which I can be
To become that which I must be
My aptitude
My fate
My destiny