john tiong chunghoo

Silver Star - 4,470 Points (Jan 21,1960 / Sibu, Sarawak, Borneo East Malaysia)

Secrets - Poem by john tiong chunghoo

secrets
in the breeze
the sea exhibits lips
that die to tell
things in its bossom

secrets
in the breeze
leaves flutter
in smart sequence
beating a drum
of contentment
that soon heaven would open to shower rain

secrets
fishes in the sea,
of all colours and sizes
shells, prawns, crabs,
corals, sand, sludge
and volcanic cracks

the fortunate ones
get to the gills of a few, turn the tide
of history, personal
or otherwise

the rest
they lie in the crevices,
chambers of
the human heart
- for good, for bad

breeze
the sea exhibits lips
that die to tell
the secrets it harbours

leaves burst in laughter
from its whisper
that soon heaven
would cool the day

secrets
the graves finally
claim them
- sealed and eaten up
to skeletal remains


Comments about Secrets by john tiong chunghoo

  • john tiong chunghoo (4/24/2006 4:29:00 AM)


    taken from ticket to write yahoo group.

    John,

    Beautiful and multi-leveled.

    Only one suggestion and one thought:

    Suggestion: take out all the punctuation as you appear to be using
    line breaks and double line breaks as the punctuation. A comma here
    and there just distracts me from the inconsistency with no punctuation
    else where in the poem.

    Thought: change 'would' to 'will', unless you want to indicate
    potential rather than certainty, in which case you'd use 'might'.

    But this is a nice work that took me on a trip while stimulating my mind.

    albi
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Poem Submitted: Sunday, April 23, 2006

Poem Edited: Sunday, April 23, 2006


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