Secrets Poem by Jack Turner

I have a secret.
I keep it locked away, clutched to my heart.
I guard it with my life, and I may give it
But it will not let me go.
Never.
Every day is a battle.
I have no weapons anymore; my swords are blunt, my axes poor
I have no shields, no shelter
I have no allies in this war.
I cannot think, yet cannot stop.
I cannot break, I cannot drop.

I am not me; I have become
The faceless stats, the numbered dumb.
This secret is a demon.
A lusty femme fatale she drew me in and had me
For all the world to see;
I am not her;
Yet she is me.

My smiling secret mid the tears
My madam now for many years
And many more to come.
I cannot fight her anymore
I cannot quit; I cannot run.

And I have changed – They say I have.
I am a different person now,
More like the one They used to know.
But.
I am not here.
She did not go.

And my little secret haunts me
Battling my will.
The little secret plagues me, chains me
Probably always will.
And I have changed They tell me –
Well what a good façade
But you don’t know my secrets
And I just tell you lies.

So you throw away your morbid crepe
And celebrate your victory
But this war is not yet over
And probably ne’er will be.
And secret battles wage here, just getting through the day
And the pain, the mutilation
Will never go away.

There is none to blame for this, no opponent in this war
But I can’t give up the fight;
Forever now I’ll battle – eternity, infinity,
Every day.
Every night.

And They say that I have changed so much –
Illusions, friend! Illusions, smoke and lies!
She is still there; she’ll always be
It’s just that now she hides.
And I have no allies;
Have no thoughts;
I have no life;
I have no love but hatred,
I have no joy but strife.
And all the darkness melts away
The black is gone;
There’s only grey.
And every night
And every day
And every moment
Every month
Every bite
And every gulp
Is a war within a war
My secrets fight – God knows what for.
And every morning with clothes, I apply façade
Burying the secret
Within a grave of lies.

And I have changed?
Hip hip hooray.
Why then, do I still hide?
I have changed for good they say

Would but that I had died.