Selfish Pleasures Poem by Dakota Ellerton

My hands turn to ice,
with your body around me.
Kissing my cheek,
all the way down my neck.
My stomach is turning.
My heart is breaking.
I feel shivers up my spine,
I taste vomit in my mouth.
It's just, not you.
I lay my head back to feel a heartbeat,
but feel nothing.
Not a thump, not a thud,
not a pin drop.
It's as if you're a body suit,
a shell without filling.
I lean my head to the side,
knees to my chest.
I've never wanted to cry so harshly,
in my life.
Restraining myself,
I plastered a smile,
and went another night.