Consider less end-stops to help mute the bluntness of your rhyme.
Maybe a nonstandard rhyme scheme would help you.
The message of your poem I can definitely understand but your rhyme can drown out your work.
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Consider less end-stops to help mute the bluntness of your rhyme. Maybe a nonstandard rhyme scheme would help you. The message of your poem I can definitely understand but your rhyme can drown out your work.