Monday, March 22, 2010

She Was My Sister Comments

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It’s been a year,
But it feels like she’s still near.
She was like my sister,
But no matter what I do, I still miss her.
...
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jasmine Johnson
COMMENTS
Gerald Sedillo 22 March 2010

Consider less end-stops to help mute the bluntness of your rhyme. Maybe a nonstandard rhyme scheme would help you. The message of your poem I can definitely understand but your rhyme can drown out your work.

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jasmine Johnson

jasmine Johnson

akron chirldrens' hospital
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