Shoulder View Poem by Bianca Fiechter

Just a quick glance over my shoulder,
I can't look too long at it.
There comes that sinking feeling in my gut,
The clutching galloping in my chest,
For just one second
I can't breathe ... I have forgotten how.
Wipe sweating palms on denim thighs,
Everything fades under a rosy blue hue,
I can see, but not, too.
Into my head, my eyeballs retreat,
Hiding.
Clear as a bell, or maybe a drum
My heartbeat pounds,
Up through the top of my skull.
The panic wraps it's steely fingers
Strong, cagelike, polished chrome vines,
Snaking into my heart, my brain, no...
My thoughts.
All at once thought, sensation and reflex
Bond in a glorious menage.
I am startled from being startled, thinking...
What have I done?
Where have I lost it?
How will I ever get it back?
My life ... have you seen what I did with it?
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no ....
This remorse that makes me hug
Myself against the ache of it.
Defeat is a sleepy feeling.