Silence Poem by Patti Masterman

Getting older holds unexpected privilege:
You no longer care so much what others think of you
Pretensions start to go away; just like the smooth countenance,
The flexible joints, and your original hair color.

You begin to realize that the world will not end
If somebody becomes dissatisfied with your being
Or your opinion; and the relationships you thought
Must be maintained at any cost, even unto death
Or dissolution, suddenly require reassessing.

You just don't have that extra energy anymore, for things
Which always consume more than they provide:
My mother in law moved into our house, and she followed me
From room to room, to endless room; night and day, day and night
Very often we were alone, she and I

And gradually, in the padded cell of our singular isolation
Fomenting together, her running banter began to change
Into a sort of barbed surgery, ever aiming for my vulnerabilities,
Insecurities, regrets- perhaps she was in pain, herself
And it may be that she wanted to share

That special gift with me, until suddenly- I had to cut her loose:
I have never given much warning; the only way I have ever known
Is to accept as much as I can bear, with whatever grace I can muster
Of things from which the escape seems hidden
Almost as if there were no other choice for me

Until one more dropp of it would have strangled me,
Poisoned my soul and broken my fragile self worth; until the pill
Of the next bitter revolution arrives; and then I run,
I do not saunter, from the room, from the monster of my nightmares
For her part, she may still be in shock that I had courage to say

Enough: for she had found my limits, which I never suspected
Were there: and so to her I must say, thank you
For helping me locate my limits; now I know I can survive anything.
At the end of time, I know that I will wish I could say a kindly word
Again to her, instead of saying to her only silence.