Smiling All Through The Year Poem by Natasha Andeyi

I'd breathe in and out, doing all that I can to calm my troubled mind.
A few paces back and forth,
The body has to be moving, and the mind focusing on something.
For staying still will bring havoc.
Somehow I thought I'd be smiling all through the year.

A whole hour or so scrolling through the videos,
Laughing my anxiety to subtlety.
More hours catching up on the show that bored me a year ago,
Some familiar feeling and time wasting would calm these nerves and bring meaning to life somehow.
Until there's no fiction to turn my feelings and reality numb.
Turns out my smiling through the year would be from the worlds generated by creative minds.

If only I had it easy with life, I'd think to myself…
Why am I going through all this hell?
Is it a crime to be this ambitious in life?
Should I turn all my dreams down?
More and more questions, barely receiving a response.
And so the tears would follow like the Nile.
Yet all I wanted was to smile throughout the year.

I'd fall asleep somehow,
Tired and angry. Overwhelmed by the experiences of life.
Like a clueless babe, I'd obtain my ticket to slumber land,
And the next day my conscious and reality would meet, sanctioning repeat.
A few good days of course, but the terrible ones would cease my mind from their recall.
But what's the one weird fact?
I look back at such days with the greatest smile a year could ever make.