Sugar Bear


So Here I Am - Poem by Sugar Bear

There you are, here I am
Holding back, what I wish to say again
I can do it, but I can't seem to find the words
So I keep to myself, so sheltered

And once you leave, they come right back
But I don't have the courage to state the fact
Because I don't want changes to be
And I don't want you different towards me
So I kept, it to, myself
I knew what I wanted us to be
But I kept, it to, myself
And held it in when I wanted to speak

So here I am.

Now we're 16, at a party, of a friend of mine
You are here, and I wanted to say it, this time
But then I saw her, she kissed you
That struck deep; I broke in two
So I stayed there, all alone
And lost my chance to say it before you took her home

And once you left, they come right back
But I don't have the courage to state the fact
Because I don't want changes to be
And I don't want you different towards me
So I kept, it to, myself again
I knew what I wanted to say, everything
But I kept, it to, myself again
And held it in when I wanted to speak

So here I am.

Now we're 23
And I’m in the back row, of your wedding
Cause I didn't want anyone to see, the tears that I cried-
Not for her, but for you and me, and what we should be
Should I object? Make my move?
But by the time I made up my mind, the whole thing was through

And once you left, they come right back
But I didn't have the courage to state the fact
And I didn't want to confuse your wedding day
But I can't stand to watch you walk away
So I kept, it to, myself
I felt some hope, of what we could be
But I kept, it to, myself
And held it in when I wanted to speak

So here I am.

Now we’re 40, and look how big your kids have grown
Sometimes as I hug them, I still wish they were my own
And I still feel that light still burning; maybe it's not too late
But then I look into the eyes of your family, and I don't want to make a mistake

And once you leave the feelings come right back
But I didn't have the courage, to state the fact
Because I don't want to ruin, your family
And I don't them to think less of me
So I kept, it to, myself
I felt some hope, of what we could be
But I kept, it to, myself
And held it in when I wanted to speak

So here I am.

Now we're 70, and your great grandchildren are born
And I can see your face, through everyone
And sometimes when you're on your porch, I still want make a move
But I just stay inside, like an old ladies supposed to do

And once you leave, the feelings come right back
But I didn't have the courage, to state the fact
Because I don't want to ruin, your family
And I don't them to think of me differently
So I kept, it to, myself
Wishing I hadn't taken so long to believe
But I kept, it to, myself
And held it in when I wanted to speak

So here I am.

Now we're 90, and I'm at your funeral
Oh how these years went by so quickly, it's hard to believe you're gone
And I'm infuriated with myself, for not acing fast
And upset, because I never took that chance
So finally to the grave, I am able to say:

Now that you're gone, the feelings come right back
I now have to courage, to state the fact
But I am too late, waited too long
To take the chance, I dreamed upon
And I’ve I kept, it to, myself
Wishing I hadn't taken so long believe
I’ve kept, it all to, myself
And held it in when I wanted to speak

So here I am, without you
Sleeping these nights alone
So here I am, without you
Wishing, I would have came forward
So here I am.
And you're no where, to be seen
So here I am, without you
Missing you desperately

Now I'm at my funeral, on my way, to heaven
On my way to God, and still wishing for that blessing
And right when I walk in, through those pearly golden gates
You're right where I wanted, and finally I get my chance to say

And now we're here, the feelings came right back
I now have to courage, to state the fact
Because now you're here
And now I'm here
And I'm no longer, keeping this to myself
Because I've waited my whole life just to tell you how I felt

So here I am, with you
No longer, sleeping these nights alone
So here I am, with you
Proud that I finally came forward

So here I am.


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Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep



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Poem Submitted: Sunday, March 18, 2007

Poem Edited: Friday, February 4, 2011


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