marie elizabeth vampirus

marie elizabeth vampirus (December 02'1986 / New Jeresy)

Poems by marie elizabeth vampirus : 9 / 9

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Splendid Nightmare - Poem by marie elizabeth vampirus

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i felt cold as a breeze escaped through my windows
i feel the night envelope my obsession
he thinks that i am afraid
for i cannot see his sultry stare
I hear a laugh, it awoke my soul
my breath cease as the wind flutters my nerves
he wants me to go
his voice enchant and mistify my ears
my thoughts leaves me frozen and mistified as his figure materialize
In this empty heart of mine
It's you I find
Take my hand
i'll help you understand
I hear a laugh, it awoke my soul
he wants me to leave
his voice bring tremors to my spine
in this hollow heart of mine
it's you i find
Take my hand
I'll make you undrstand

marie elizabeth vampirus

Poems by marie elizabeth vampirus : 9 / 9

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Richard Quinby (9/9/2005 3:09:00 AM)

Marie, I enjoyed this... you show promise and should keep writing.I like the line,
'i feel the night envelope my obsession'

Now for the constructive criticism: -)
1) Try writing in Word or some other word processor and use spell check.
2) Let your work sit overnight or so and reread it; I find reading aloud helps here.
3) Watch out for mixed tenses and subject/verb agreement

Hope this helps (Report) Reply