Stay here with me while dark shadows fall,
Across my eyes one last shutter close
Before the end, my eternity will call.
Though I know the end is near and all
Those gather around me silenced voices,
Stay here with me while dark shadows fall.
Closer come; search the depths of my last call
And slink from the gasps of dying breath
Trace in my furrowed brow the bitter gall.
Would a gentler life have saved the jaded pall
And posed my dying lips in a somber smile,
Stay here with me while dark shadows fall.
All must come to final moments, face the wall
Beyond which those so near are yet far away
Before the end, my eternity will call.
Gaze down along the halls of death, and call
To me from realms beyond I cannot flee,
Stay here with me while dark shadows fall.
Trace in my furrowed brow the bitter gall.
p.s. THAT (above) was a workout for me! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! :) bri
4 – " call To me from realms beyond I cannot flee, " i'd expect " which" before " I" , BUT...i'm not sure you are saying what you mean to say! ! I feel this poem has a lot of promise, but falls short here and there. NOW to copy and paste elsewhere (my comments) and then break into lengths PH will accept! ! bri :)
3 – I wish you used more punctuation, and i think more proofreading may help as well. I've noticed the rhyming words. Sometimes i feel maintaining a rhyme scheme causes a poet to skimp on other parts their poem. I'm not saying this is true here. i really like " face the wall Beyond which those so near are yet far away Before the end" (cont.)
1 – line 3 closes, not close line 4 i'd put a comma at end line 5 i'd put " with" after " me" line 7 " me" is/was on her/his cell phone? ? line 9 gall bold and impudent behavior OR bile? (cont.)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
" A villanelle is a poetic form with nineteen lines and a strict pattern of repetition and a rhyme scheme. Each villanelle is comprised of five tercets (i.e., a three-line stanza) followed by one quatrain (a stanza with four lines) ."