Steady Poem by Amanda Bell

The pain excites me,
Thrills me with a terrible tremor,
Deep spots blanched with ice,
Course steady in my veins,
Staining my soul with crystalline grace.

The pain it intrigues me,
I know no other discourse that with,
Like a beacon of shining light,
Stabilize my wandering mind,
And here it will guide me.

The pain it frightens me,
Can they see inside my head?
See the hate that drips steadily,
Like medication administered to my veins,
Life in a steady stream.

The pain it nourishes me,
It stops the steady stream of life,
Bringing me back here,
I am here now, should I be?
What a terrible secret this is!
And how I long to know the difference,
The difference between them and me.