Stepping Forward Poem by Kristina Louisa Carr

Often I see my other self around the corner in the shade
Like a threat from the dark side not usually displayed
That one that is unpredictable prone to leave the regular path
She feels the need to explore possibilities hidden - you do the math
I see the other me behind the mirror I recognize another face
The one that is resilient and at times deceptive in the best case

You may find that one - dressed in latex and leather
Abandoning all normative conventions altogether
She smiles about thoughts of commitment and love
She is smooth and will dropp you like a used glove
Without friends and family she travels her path alone
She lives on the edge within her own combat zone

Neglect and indifference past made her what she is today
And what she feels and thinks is never truthfully on display
At times she feels panic as being trapped like a bird in a cage
Wanting to leave everything behind and just disengage
She communicates in generalities with the people she knows
Days become years but life remains fuzzy like Broadway shows

She didn't have a happy beginning during her younger years
And she can't undo or erase the agony she felt and all her tears
So - that other me shows itself sometimes mirroring my DNA
And I am tempted to pack up and just go very far away
But instead I just stay put and ride all of the emotions out
Until the anxiety stops and I am reasonably calm throughout

I know it's allot and it seems complicated and hard to understand
But all I really need is someone to get me and help me to withstand
I wish to no longer needing to hold back my dark and sad side
Today I just want to find my own truth and no longer hide
I am so tired of being lost and participating only halfway
So I am begging you - please stay with me on this brand new day


(2011)