String Of Perils Poem by The Poet SPIEL

my anesthesiologist informed me
i should never use the word suicide
while attempting to get the attention
of the surgeon i need to see to do
the surgery necessary to release me
from the pain that is the pain
that makes me feel suicidal
and causes me to need to say the word
suicide to get the attention of the surgeon
whose nurse insists he is too busy
doing surgery to feel my pain
and do my surgery

maybe my anesthesiologist meant
the tendency to use the word suicide
might be too tempting to the surgeon
who probably wants to off the patients
who feel suicidal because of the pain
that brings them to him in the first place

they are so annoying with their groaning
and rolling on the floor and slouching around
like wounded road-strike coyotes
and their incessant bitching about the shortcomings
of insurance companies plus all that stupid
sobbing and using up his office tissues

still worse he has to use up a lot of his precious
anesthetic just to shut them up and he would rather
save it for himself so he does not have to feel
anything while he cuts into fat ugly putrid guts
that roll around and stink and spit blood in your face

maybe what my anesthesiologist actually meant
was that i never should tempt him with the word
suicide because what originally attracted him
to the field of anesthesiology was his own suicidal
wish to kill off the annoying selfish painful urge
whining within himself to o. d. and take the leap
to the big sleep into a place where all the selfish
painful whining slouching around like road-strike
coyotes and insurance bitching and the groaning
and rolling around the floor is muffled in cotton candy
clouds and smothered by angels singing
pretty christmas carols at your door.