(stuff And Nonsense) Cautionary Tale: Janice Who Bought Too Many Shoes Poem by Janice Windle

(With apologies to Hilaire Belloc) The story of Jan who bought too many shoes and put her foot in it in the end.

This is the tale of Janice whose
fatal obsession was buying shoes:
a hundred pairs of shoes lay piled
within her wardrobe – her husband filed
for a divorce – he said the grounds
were: she was spending pounds and pounds
on sandals, slippers, high heels, pumps,
designer trainers, striped and spotty –
Janice bought them all, quite dotty.

Now Jan’s obsession grew intense
and free from the good influence
of hubby, she went quite bananas,
went to Dolce and Gabana’s -
no longer satisfied with Marks,
she bought with plastic and loans from sharks.

The outcome you’ll have guessed, I’m sure:
her credit rating through the floor,
the loan sharks said, “Pay up or we
will give you concrete boots – you’ll see! ”

I’m sure that you will sympathise
with Jan’s distress – she rolled her eyes,
and wept and screamed, went on her knees
and texted hubby, “Help me, please! ”

Her grieving husband read her plea
but said, “No use to come to me!
You’ve run through all my money too –
I’m every bit as broke as you! ”

And that is why, should you swim near
the Royal Pavilion, Brighton Pier,
you’ll meet a little skeleton
with heavy concrete bootees on.

Moral:
Don’t deal with sharks if you don’t want to end up whaling!