Sweet Memories And Long Goodbyes Poem by Sanjana Swaroop

They call me a globetrotter, wanderer, traveller,
Never sitting still
Your life must be full of adventures and memories they say.
What I would give to have met the people and seen the places,
Maybe if I had done things your way.
Oh the world is your oyster and you get to bite into the richness and deliciousness
Of the delectable human buffet.

I blink and smile politely
They are not wrong, I remind myself.
But often people want to hear the things that have happened, occurred and closed
Than the feelings I felt or how many times I've been left emotionally broke.
Their intentions are not malicious, I have to tell myself each time.
Console myself that one day I'll meet someone who'd care to ask how I felt instead of the same old rhyme.

I am often at a loss, how to contain everything I've felt in a mere picture, phrase or turn of words.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but you see the scenery, while I remember the whole production effort it took.
I had to stop giggling to capture that photo because my friend was being a drunken fool
Or this photo was taken seconds before I fell utterly and deeply in love with people, their kindness and might.
Photos alone cannot describe my stories.
Doesn't it feel unfaithful to only share half a memory?

I love arriving in new places and feel blessed for each opportunity
To discover the new and tread into the unknown.
To, bit by bit, get to know, see, observe and learn from our magnificent universe.
But with each goodbye, I feel a sense of impending dread.
Will I see this place again or this person, or feel this way?
What if, for once, all I wanted was to stand still, I wasn't done absorbing you and cherishing you anyway.

What people don't see and don't care to ask for,
Are the sweet memories and the long goodbyes I've suffered.
Having lived such a varied life, I tend to find even the mundane invigorating.
When was the last time I've stayed long enough in a place to have a permanent address?
Yes, I've drank fully and greedily from the cup of life but I am drunk enough and I need somewhere for the quiet restoring
Of my mind, body and soul; all of which are aching, confused and tired.

Those sweet memories and the long goodbyes are the best of me,
But they have also taken the most from me.
I am human, a finite being, and I am sitting down for my annual assessment,
Figuring out how much emotional debt I still have to leverage.
How many more goodbyes do I have left in me,
Till I am no more than my cumulative memories, an old haunted version of my own being.
The memories I've made are my coal and my sustenance,
They fuel my engines and yet pollute my lungs
With little sooty remains stuck in me forever.
Propelling me but at the same time poisoning me.
Talk about a toxic love affair with humanity!

Someday, when I am still and I have found a home base,
A pavilion to shuttle in and out of,
I will fill it with memories, the sweetness, the bitter, the postcards, the stolen treasures,
The books I've read in places I've been, the colours I've imagined on the people I've seen,
I would tell you about it all, unburden my soul and finally unpack my belongings.
Which include gems and jagged pieces of broken glasses from travels pursued and half spun stories.
Just promise you'll be patient and listen even when you realise
My life of sweet memories and long goodbyes is anything but a love story set in paradise.