The All-In Wrestler - Poem by archie langford
When I was an all in wrestler
I was known as `andsome Arch.
I always wore tails and a bow tie,
And me dicky that had too much starch.
They came for miles to see me,
I was so good on the mat
I could fling a chap from the ring
Without taking off me top hat..
I`d beaten the best in the country
Then they found an opponent for me
A woman of gigantic proportions,
Her name was fat Fanny McFee
It was, I recall, at the Royal Albert Hall
Where we met that September night,
She looked somewhat shocking in her pink body stocking,
That was several sizes too tight,
When she squeezed my head my toenails went red,
She squeezed me windpipe to cut off me breff,
And to my disgust she stuffed me head twixed her bust,
And I thought that I`d gone bleedin` deaf.
She made my blood race when she sat on my face
I don’t like my face sat upon,
And it drives me to drink these days when I think,
Where my little nose must have gone.
She picked me up, twirled me round, flung me up, slammed me down,
She was handling me like a prawn,
Then down on the deck, her thighs round me neck,
Poo twas like Billingsgate market at dawn.
She pulled me hair, tweeked me nose, bit me ear, broke me toes,
She had brought me to my knees,
But it all got quite tricky when she grabbed hold me dicky,
And gave it on hell of a squeeze.
I shouted, “ That`s it I submit, I submit”.
Well my dicky was precious to me,
That`s when I swore I would wrestle no more,
All because of Fat Fanny McFee.
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