archie langford

Rookie (1928 / mountain Ash South Wales UK)

The Fighter Pilot - Poem by archie langford

In `39 when war begun I thought I`d fight the Hun,
So I left my job as a trainee chef,
And thinking `twould be my lot to become a fighter pilot,
I went along to join the RAF.

First I had to go before the MO,
He said, “Right fellow take your trousers off,
Let`s make sure your three piece sweet is all working and complete
His hands were freezing and they made me cough

The bit I liked the best was the intelligence test
The examiner said, “These questions sure are tough,
Tell me what`s one plus one”. I answered three for fun
He said, “You`re wrong fellow but you`re near enough”.

Then there came the training all the struggle all the straining,
The square bashing, all the bull shine, all the sweat,
But when it came to flying that`s when I came near to dieing,
When the pilot said, “This one you wont forget”.

He went into a stall that made my belly crawl,
He turned and gave me such a wicked grin,
Then he looped the loop and I felt me eyeballs poop,
And me low balls! what a state that they were in.

If he had flown two inches lower he`d have hit the bloody tower
I was screaming, “Take me down oh take me down”.
Then his next spin was so tight that me face went ashen white,
And me legs a nasty shade of chocolate brown

My heart ceased to pound when we touched the ground,
The pilot said, “ I`m not taking you again,
First you start to yell and then that bloody awful smell,
It`s going to take me a week to clean me plane”.

And so I was demoted and unanimously voted
Worst of all the second raters,
And so for me my war became one bloody awful bore,
Peeling simply millions of taters.

Comments about The Fighter Pilot by archie langford

  • Fay Slimm (11/29/2008 1:57:00 AM)

    Cant wait to read this one to my husband when he comes in - - it is really funny and Archie I can just imagine you reading some of these gems to your friends and mates at one time or another.... I bet you have had folks rolling on the floor......great read.....and 10 of course, , , , , , , from Fay. (Report)Reply

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  • Ernestine Northover (10/11/2006 2:58:00 PM)

    This is brilliantly hilarious and hilariously brilliant. I found it wonderful to read and I have laughed at it all and enjoyed the trip. what a great poem, this is going to my favourites right away, and a 10 vote from me too.
    Thanks for writing it.
    Love and hugs Ernestine XXX

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  • (10/11/2006 4:13:00 AM)

    Nice one Archie. I woke up this morning and found airplanes and gliders all over the lawn! Bloody wife left the landing light on again!

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Poem Edited: Friday, October 15, 2010

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