'The Beautyful Game' (As Pleyed By Geoffery Chaucer) Poem by Peter J White

Whilom in days of yore and times gone bye,
Whan men wolde peesful carf clothes pegs or lie
All Sonday longe in bed, sich was of every wight
The rest God yaf him; sith now for our respite,
Footballe around the world to every nacioun swept,

To men in sondry londes and teems ycleped
Liverpoole, Real Madrid or Arsenalle,
Inspired hath to find on every heeth a balle,
Like bladder of a sheep yfilled with breth withal,
Lether clad; the mead at either end with goale posts tweye.

Ech everychon in hys gypoun purpureal, greene or greye;
Hys padded hose, foreshortened knyckers matchyng,
With lokkes crulled in presse the day beforn, catchyng
The wind, and wend to steye with bed and board,
And pleyen in shires round about, rememberyng who scored,

And who, when taklys threw him on the sward,
Wepyng in peyne as if his wounds would lose the match,
Though in verray sooth had noght sustained a scratch,
Pretended how his greivous falle was vileynye;
(Syn he koude less than naught of trewth or curteisie) .

So that, bigyled, the reve should give the more,
A penaltie that myght increese hir score.
Eek if dismissed was hym that cursed the reve too hard,
In langage foule or smoot his felawe, by rede card,
With derke mutteryngs, to the bench was sent,

Though swaring to the cooch he was quite innocent
Of wrong. What if the game then ended in a drawe,
Or, God forbid, more teedyous still, there was no score?
A penaltie shoot-out ben ordered - welawey!
And victory goon to those most able then to preye

That by myschance the ryval goalie dive to the wrong side!
But Mercy me how came I almost to abide,
Ne tellen ye nat how of every fourth year the news,
High Preests of this religion a special contree choose,
Wherein taak place most sacred rytes in footballe’s record yet

(And tyckets sold enow to pay the Naciounal Dette!) .
At World Coppe of fame and great renoun, pardee,
Most reverent adoration in Footballe’s psalmody
Is given the teem enduryng wel this bataille royale
That whan fotograffes are took, have still the strength to smyle!




PJW Feb ‘09