The Cactus Revenge Poem by Russell Beaty

Malevolent and Evil,
Trapped in a pot,
Armed and dangerous
With a built-in buckshot

Like a mine underwater
Held by a chain,
He sets on vengeance
With his evil campaign
An imprisoned evil ready to be released,
His job is simple-to make the human race deceased

At night he moves to the foot of my bed
A place to hide to stab me in the head

This cactus is evil, right down to the core
There are spines on the ceiling and some on the floor
His end is near; he was doomed from the start
The one problem is that this cactus is smart

I burn him, I bleach him, I chop him in half
Still he keeps growing and so does his wrath
This cactus is the devil; it just won’t die
So far he has no weakness, and that’s no lie

I think and I think and only one thing pops into my mind
The internet is at my disposal, I search and I find.
What I found was the key to the cacti’s demise.

I go to my closet and grab a grenade
I pull the pin and I run far, far away,
as it explodes the shrapnel I evade
KABOOM!
There’s a hole in my yard
No cactus in sight, and my lawn is charred

I give you fair warning about when this evil invades
Do what I did and grab a grenade.