The Crystallization Of Innocence Poem by Claudia Butler

This bitter-sweet pain
Aches with the loss of love
Of a thousand lifetimes.
Tinged by the dawn,
It bringsthe promise
Of renewal and remembrance.
Each breath becomes
More fragile and labored,
Heavy with doubt.
Secrets early made,
Destroyed by karmic debt.
You are the love
I always dreamed of,
The love that brought me back,
And the love lost
That threatens to end
My very existence now.
How do I cast off this regret
From healing into scars?
The memory of your physical body
Haunts my waking steps.
A yearning that
Can only be fulfilled
In its present form.
Now, I am tested by
The child-values instilled,
As your departure
Disrupts the fabric
Of my world-view-
Distorted perception
Finds momentary glance
Of gratitude
For this abandonment.
In your absence of faith
You shut me out.
Spontaneous combustion
Has consumed our relationship
From inside out,
While your remains
Have been scattered
Across anticipating seas.
Our hearts alike
In sorrow and in song.
The long boats depart
Swiftly on silent seas.
They take you away
And my being
Finds comfort and torture
In your presence next to me.
The sheer anguish
Of your flight
Suddenly freezes me.
But never fear-
I am going to haunt you.
My thoughts intrude
Into the netherworld,
where I will surprise
You out of complancency.
Please don't let that
Fire extinguish,
For then we should
Burn out bright
This mundane existence.
And as I approach your ghost-shade,
Defiance in my words,
The vocal timbre
Of my heart confused
By your quick earthly release.
Gentle soul-quakes
Push my love
To selfless heights.
Yet unready am I
For this sacrifice
So great
That I would rather
Hold tight
To the grains of sand
Slipping through my fingertips,
Crystallized in its innocence,
Shattered in its arrogance.

(Albuquerque, NM January 2012)