The Kitchen Sink Poem by Keel Lincoln

The gentleman was all prepared for the work,
Standing surrounded in the kitchen, oh so pink,
Right before things were about to get berserk,
Man of the house, finally going to fix that damn kitchen sink,
For that nagging wife, all day long,
Sang her normal nagging song,
“The sink still drips,
If this keeps up,
You’ll soon be doing flips,
Or get shoved into a cup! ”
So now, shockingly, at long last,
The husband actually was going to do,
What several weeks back she had asked,
So that it would finally be through,
And fix the kitchen sink.
“Couldn’t take a blink, ”
He did think,
“So first, I must remove this shiny metal tube on the top, ”
His conscious tried to yell loud to stop,
But as a male, he simply couldn’t quit,
For to logic he’d never submit.
{Why, that’d be like asking for direction,
When lost at the intersection}
His conscious said, “Well this it,
He’s not going to listen to me,
So that wife’s going to have another fit,
Will he ever, ever see? ”
For as the shiny metal tube was removed,
The conscious’ theory was proved,
It was no tiny sprinkle,
And even further from a trickle,
A flood of a fountain forth flew,
Gallons of water from the pipes did ensue,
Quickly the water started to flood,
Shocked, stood the stupid stud,
Then around the room in a panic,
He was in a paranoid frantic,
What to do, what to do,
{I knew I should’ve kept that canoe,
He truly thought,
But quickly shook it off}
Realizing there was predicament,
He seems to be failing this assignment.
As it continued to grow, this new ocean upon the floor,
His dearest wife appeared between the frames of the door,
Yelling, “MY DARLING, I must tell you here,
Something just now happened my dear,
{Looking at the pool around the room,
Then derisively she resumed}
At this apparent kitchen shore?
That I’ve begun my labor pains,
Our child we soon gain…”
“SILENCE, My lovely wife that I wed,
I’m fixing the sink as you said, ”
He blurted very interrupting like,
Which is extremely impolite.
Then he comprehended what she had told,
And quickly they ran out into the cold,
Toward the car, to rush to the hospital,
At down town central,
In the car, the door he slammed,
“Be brave, my wife, It’s a little crammed, ”
BUT WAIT! ”
He did state,
Realizing there may be a mistake,
“I’d be overjoyed for such an infant,
But I don’t remember that you were ever pregnant,
When did this event partake? ”
In rage she started to shake,
“Nine months ago, it was Jake,
How could you forget, It was a Tuesday for God’s sake! ”
Jake didn’t know what to think,
{really, he was kinda worried about the still overflowing kitchen sink}
So he turned to his wife that he had wed,
And this is what he said,
“But on Tuesday, I was watching the sports spread? ”
He didn’t remember much of anything after that,
For with her purse his head she swat.