The Lake Poem by stephanie Ann Lowe

I went to that place today.
The one you shared with me?
your special spot, the place that brought you peace...

The place that i claimed and dubbed to be our spot.
because I wanted it to be.
The first place where you showed me beauty...
before you showed me it in you.

i went back to the place where it all began,
if only for me.
i went there to cry
over loss of what i hoped would be our history.

i wrote you a message in the sand.
hoping the waters
would wash it and you and I away.
carry us off together into the flow.

I sat down on the log where the ants had chased us off,
but now they are too busy burrowing,
winters coming, and the air is growing cold.

I sat there feeling as if I were a mess most picturesque.
face bleached by the wind, blue eyes fierce in their tears.
my loosened hair whipping in a thousand directions.

i remembered how it felt to be brought here
by you.

how i was so touched, as we sat by the water.
and i shared with you all the things that are mundane.
the naming of plants. and the meaning of rocks,
and when you told me about our lake as a nucleus,
in an ever growing body, a million unnamed truths
answered my unasked questions.

You picked up the quartz and
looked thru it into the sun squinting,
and i fell for you.
Right then and there...
which was almost instantly.
and as i sat on this log, with my heart open,
the answer seeped into me, slowly and carefully
like the water filling my message to you in the sand.

An answer to my unspoken question....
pleading ever reaching hands of my heart,
clasped as if to cover my ears.
as a gentle, painful 'no'
Rode in from the waves of the lake.

How i longed for you then? ..
more deeply than even i could acknowledge..

I sat there weeping and wishing even still.
that you would just show up
and catch me crying.
I'll never be able to fully cry to you,
not now.

I wanted you to find me
and again explain to me that I'm not really feeling what i feel..
Find me and make love to me...here
In this place.

This place of peace
that you had showed me
and I claimed and dubbed as ours,
Because I had so wanted it to be.