The Last Poem I'll Ever Write About You Poem by Adora Williams

There are things that you don't know about me
That some days I write not to go mad
And that I prefer those days over the ones I feel good but can't write a word

That I wake up sad every day and smoke a cigarette to forget that I'm sad
And if I see a hummingbird, I believe it's bringing me hope
And that hope becomes true

That I trust no one and my very parents don't know a thing about my life
That I can't have children and that thought haunts me every day after the sun
Goes down

That I wish I could see as the birds see
That I wish I had a family to call mine
And to be the mother I didn't have

That I see the world as a French horror movie I want to escape from
And sometimes I like to pretend I don't speak their language
And most of the time I really don't

All those things you never knew about me, you never asked,
Are the reasons why I chose this sad and lonely life
Over the little bits of joy that you gave me
And charged me back

Those moments never got to become true happiness

Still, I think about you every night before I fall asleep
I still recall you sleeping by my side
I loved to watch you sleep when we were not in a fight
But you hated that I didn't sleep at night and my life was a mess
I was tameless and could never become a wife
I was unable to have your baby
And you didn't even know how deeply that sentence hit me

I left you, begged you to never look for me again
And now that I begin to finally feel your presence fade from my orbit
I feel this lack of everything

And everything reminds me of you