The Outsider Poem by Kitty Marie Lucas

I wish someone had told me it would be this way
I don't know if I would have shown up
but now I'm here, on this battlefield
unprepared and unarmed
you said I wasted my time
what have you done?
so much damage and what I've become

I wish I'd never laid my head down in that place
my heart was always broken and replaced
now I waste my days picking up the shards
hoping they'll take me back to what I was

I know the sunset doesn't make false promises
so I look on - and time goes by
when I'm here, in the dark
I feel safe and guarded
you said I pushed you away
that's what you'd done
now I'm alone and relaxed
I trust no one

I may be here but I'm miles away
it never would have worked out anyway

I can't give you anything you can't give yourself
you won't give me anything I can't give myself
you could love me if I had the nerve to walk through hell
the seeds were sown
three seasons alone
you'll never know how much I've grown
you'll never understand the stories I tell

I wish I'd never laid my head down in that place
my heart was always broken and replaced
now I waste my days picking up the shards
hoping they'll take me back to what I was

standing in a crowd
no one to talk to but yourself
standing in a crowd
no one to scream at but yourself

now I linger in this place
my heart has all but been erased
you can't learn from anything that's already been heard
but I'll never be anything but an outsider