The Reality Of One's 'Destiny In Serving Humanity', Has Been Acomplished In This World Poem by Rev. Surujlall Motilall

My Late 'Rani': My Life, My Love, My Light!

Composed and written by:
Rev. Surujlall Motilall (widower)
of Roosendaal, the Netherlands

R-emembering you oh my Rani, every second of my lonely life,
A-lthough you are not with me in this world, l know you are alive.
N-o one is so worthy to take your place as my dear loving wife,
I-n the dept of my heart you are still here helping me to strife


'Rani', they used to call my late and beloved wife,
who was a dear one, had helped me so much to strife.
Born on the 8th February,1955, a day like Saturday
in her 28 years of age, she was called away.

Her image of yesterday, will always be remembered,
to whom I have subjected with my life in surrender.
Our happy days together, will be embedded in me,
although she was called away by God the Almighty.

'Oh God' what a disheartening day to remember,
that dreadful day, when I had to face such a disaster.
with silent and breathless image in a wooden box
I saw her departure in the blazing fire.

Only those who have lost theirs can say,
how aching it is to encounter such a day.
Never the less, 'Oh God' such is life,
to continue this lonely life, without a wife.

My Rani, was standing about five feet,
with cool understanding, polite and discreet.
Had long, soft and curly hair on her head,
but oh! all are diminished, she is now dead.

She has gone and left me alone, to rear a nation,
of two sons and a daughter, as a new generation.
Without hesitation, I have toiled for their satisfaction
with comfort from God, I was consoled to redemption

To face this lonely world alone, with my three children
was not a burden but a task to strive without a wife.
It was not so easy, as the world can see with adoration,
I fended the sand and made hay from clay with perspiration

Only to live and to survive the outcome of the outcasts
which roamed and roved this evil world for us to last.
With anger and grieves to distress, we have to endure
to the end of time, when death shall say come for sure

I had loved my Rani, with all of my heart,
but oh! today, we are so very far apart.
My heart gets heavy, whenever I remember,
that my Rani has gone, she has gone forever

My Rani, was energetic and hard working,
together, we built our life from nothing.
To something, which she has left for me,
three children, loving and kindness to be.

Whether sun or rain, we were out there together
for our children's sake, towards their better future
Love, understanding and unity, were of my family
we upheld such a dignity, in and around our society

As we went forward together, hand in hands,
with much laughter and happiness to life
Our heads on one pillow, we strife as one band
with one song, 'we are not weary' to strive

We kept on the pace, of working all days long
without pride, we were on the ride to prolong
Survival in our hands, we cheered prosperity
against obstacles, which now faces humanity

Together, we went forward, for our life to be upward
and not to be static, to break away, or to go downward
we upheld one motion, with love and aspiration
Praying and worshipping God, heeding to his salvation

I can remembered a very sad incident,
when my Rani was involved in an accident
For six long months, she had to lay in bed
Suffering from mental illness in her head

I stood at her side, as I have vowed on our wedding day
took full care of her, as a husband indeed when in-need
I was her father and doctor, giving to her curing seed
recovered from her illness, we were again on our way

My sincere and dearest love were my hail for her,
she was better and healthier for a safer future
To continue our sacrifices with determination
in our minds, bodies and souls with obligation

As I am writing, about my late Rani today,
my thoughts are very far, very far away
Sweet remembrance of her, on our wedding day
come jumbling back to me in many different ways

On our wedding day, we were so happy and gay
our life together, were joy and happiness all the way
Promising and vowing to each other, day by day
in sickness or in distress, we must not go astray

I can see her beside me, sharing my imagination
of my thoughts for her yesterday, is just like of today
which will never be faded away, as in my heart to stay
she is out there, somewhere, for me, for remigration

Wherever she is awaiting for me, in the unseen world
I will dare to be, for her to see and for me to behold
I will be at her side, once again, to abide with her
in the days of the rapture, when God will serve supper

She was a wife indeed, who had shown much happiness
with kindness and love, that displayed her true meekness
She had given to me, everything that this life has to offer
especially her teachings, to respect and love one another

Her sparkling eyes and long curly hair on her head
Sweet round and smiling face, with a broad forehead
soft and tender skin, with a full mouth of white teeth
Humble, sincere, honest, diligent and short strong feet
Indeed, its' a real heartache to tell
that I had to bid my Rani a farewell
My Rani, has gone from this world forever,
Oh God, keep her soul safe for your rapture

My late Rani, was served a severe illness
after gave birth to our angelic daughter
It was a disaster, caused by her weakness
I was in another land pervading our future

I rushed to her rescue, to her comfort of survival
breath and helpless we were, without any medical
She held me very close, to her slowly beating heart
in her last words, she said 'daddy, today we will part'

I said, 'no mommy, you would not go and leave me alone'
'you would not leave me all alone in this world to borne'
She said, 'daddy, if I go, this world will be dark for you'
'yes mommy, please don't go, God will help us through'

I knelt and bowed at her feet with my arms around her waist
held on to her so tightly with tear filled dripping eyes to taste
Setting her upright to sit, as her last breath waving on my head
as she sat silently in her chair, unknowingly she was dead

As my fingers were combing and parting the hair on her head
my wetly face was massaging the softness on her cheeks
I inhaled the odour from her body with kisses on her forehead
With soft and sweet words of comfort, I held on to my chick

I cried as I spoke to her but she was motionless already
I looked up to her, she was smiling but was breathless
I screamed and cried for her mercy and wept bitterly,
as her hands were on top of my head giving me her bliss

I bowed down at her feet, craving, crying and pleading
for her mercy, not to leave me alone in my mourning
With her smile on her faded face, she was gesturing
our motion of love for each other were so anointing

She died in my arms, as I felt her breathless body fell over me
I stood her upright to sit but she determined to embrace me
Her loving and tender arms, hugged around my shoulders
while I was washing her, with my tear filled eyes in waters

I laid her down, on our bed, with a soft pillow under her head
I laid myself on top of her, with my head on top of her head
as if she was not dead, I cried and wept bitterly and I spoke
there were no answered, she was asleep and will not woke

My nights have become days, and my days have become nights
the moon and stars, have become red and the sun ceased to bright
Doors have slammed before my face, my bed was empty
my pillows were soaked with tears and there were much enmity

My pots, plates and cups, were all dried up, without food to eat
life without my Rani, was not the same, I was about to retreat
No parents, families, relatives or friends, came to my rescue
I was all alone, to borne with my 3 children and for life to pursue

I had wanted to join my Rani, in that fire of hopes
but my 3 loving children, have rescued me to scope
I could not have given or broken away to go astray
My Rani had blessed me, while we have had our days
My 3 children, were of all to me, they are my everything
my daddy, my brother, my mommy, they are so loving
They have comforted me, in the presence of my agony
they have lighted my dark world and cared not for money

They tended to me, while I was sick, weak and distressed
they said, 'daddy, life must go on, we are been blessed '
We are having you, our daddy, who also is our mommy
You are intelligent, hard working and not a dummy

The consolidation and comforting words of my children,
kept me alive today, that I ought not to break away
Or for my life to become static, I am one who finds
that can makes life simple and easy without a grind

Since the passed away of my Rani, I was in despair
my life was totally finished to blemish the air
I felt helpless and depressed without any happiness
as I have looked at my late Rani, as my earthly Goddess

My Rani, died as a consequence of brutal administrations
by the Dutch empire, when they have failed to acquire
Social justice, human rights moral dignity and justifications
in the Netherlands and abroad, where citizens cannot acquire

My Rani, had needed urgent medical help and attention
she was a Dutch in Suriname, deprived of medication
The Dutch colonialist there, with smiling faces to show
they are not races but humans, pure and white as snow

With inhumane hearts, courage to boast their injustice
to humanity, as they said to me, 'sorry, we cannot help'
'We are not representing people of Holland but the land'
I was stunned and dismayed, with no hopes in my hands

Cool and calm, they have spilled innocent blood
on their hands to wash with demonic faces to hold
The cries and tears of the innocent, are much to tell
that modern civilisations are not with them, to sell

My Rani, has died and gone because of such attitude
by my Dutch empire, without much of a desire, to scope
Amongst humanity, in rendering a just hand of solitude
or to live together, as humans with tales of living hope

She has died and left behind, this tale for me to tell
that injustice prevail, amongst suppressors, who sell
social injustice, unequal rights, racial discrimination
inhumane justifications with brutal administrations

My life, is to continue its journey and to pursue
all unseen tasks and wills that lies ahead of me
Unknowingly what my destined tasks would be
for me to undertake the solemnity task of subdue

I was right because I was still healthy and strong
and my 3 children, were singing comforting songs
I was redeemed and blessed with the love of my children
we have bowed to God in prayers, to send us a guardian

Indeed, our prayers were sincerely answered
when God himself had his words to whisper
To us, as his truly and faithful children to care
he said, 'each one of you, have blessings to share'
A woman angel, will soon come and appear to you
with your blessings from above, she will come true
To hold your sacred hands, into a holy matrimony
that you will live, happily with peace and harmony

God was right, I was wrong as I was healthy and strong
My God, who had given Rani to me help me to prolong
As to Him, I am only worshipping in Spirit and in Truth
My faith and trusts in Him, is a tree full with life-fruits

As Rani was such a pure and a holy mother and wife
To myself and 3 children, she sacrificed her sole life
I know my God will bless me with another sole wife
who will endure to the last end and together to strife

My prayers to Him, were sincere and sacred in faith
He upheld myself and children hands with His breath
And He gives to us sublime comfort in heaven-beneath
with much faith, hopes and trusts we were in good health

On that said and sad day, when I was sacredly inspired
I was hearing His mysterious voices in silent whispered
With His anointing words of hope I was much in desired
to be redeemed and to be replenished with His chartered

When death has to go and a new life has to be bestowed
upon myself and 3 children, life is now to be restored
with much despair and loneliness to overcome, I adored
to the one who has given to me and to the one ensured

Her appearance to me

A Goddess had appeared before me and standing at my side
her throne of holiness and purity, she has given me her guide
With courage, strength and hopes, she makes me that to be
that this prosperous world still exists for me, to be and to see

Appearing herself in a human form, with dignity and pride
to which, I would like to introduce to the world, 'my bride'
In a female body, she has come, to embrace and to love me
with her golden lota, filled with blessed milk and pure honey

Not too long after, when death had to go and life was to come
I held some stems of thorns, with petals of sweet smelling roses
in my bleeding hands, that gives me the strength to overcome
my despair with grievances welcoming a new love of branches

My God, who has given Rani to me, has blessed me more indeed
on that sad day, when I felt loneliness in my vein, I was inspired
With the breath of words, that refilled my heart with much desire
an earthly Goddess appeared before me and silently whispered

'Long life to you and your three God blessed children, I was sent
from heaven, to your comfort, for you to be, to see I have meant
To be your soul mate, life long partner and mother for your children
I am here to be, for the world to see, that you would not be forsaken'

With her throne of holiness and purity, she gave me a soothing smile
and took the purity of roses from my hands, to share to the world
I was troubled and was moved sacredly, with emotions and devotions
devoting more of my love and time for God, in grace and meditation.

In her blue velvet of clothing, she has disguised in such an outfit
veiled head, like humans with morality, only for me to submit
Covered with long, black, soft and curly hair on her head
ready to prepare me breakfast, with milk, honey and bread

Standing and holding the forbidden fruit, in her hands to offer me
mercy, grace and love, which she brings from above, from thee
With one message from above, that she is my future wife to be
no one on earth, is so worthy to be, simply can see, she is of thee

Smiling and looking down at me, only for me to fall at her feet
She is ready, for us to be blessed, with zenith grace from above
Which is not a disgrace for us to live in unity embracing love
peace and happiness, must prevail with sincerity and discreet

With such a sootiest smile, she said 'you would not be alone'
in this your lonely world of yours to share sadness or to borne
with your small nation, together we would have much motion
emotionally, I was moved much as a human with aspiration

I did not hesitate but to grasp her hands, with energetic power
binding her tightly, for my purport is to have a holy matrimony
We bowed before God, for our lives to be in unity with harmony
unhesitatingly, we vowed to serve each other without disaster

Her name, is sacred and meaningful, not for me to mention
such can lead, to penalty, consequences and implication
Restriction on me, can be imposed to publicly expose
her true nature of love for me, which she has imposed

Nevertheless, my pet and calling name to her, is Nal
it really meant 'all', all of me, to her, was for her
My body, soul and spirit, nothing short, as she is my pal
My soul-mate and much more, my life long partner

She in return, calling me 'B', meaning beloved
we are both meant to be, for each other, with one desire
For us to acquire, as husband and wife, madly in love
in one body, of flesh and blood as humans, to admire

I built for her, a temple, for her to house her devoted murtees
she would sit, sing, prayed and bowed before her devotees
Offering to them, the 'lights of life' that shines in her tharee
how beautiful she looks, in her Indian dress, known as saree

She would come to worship and to bow sincerely at my feet
I would retreat, without being defeat as I am not so discreet
I would held her up to stand and said, 'please understand
I am not God for you to worship, he already holds your hands'

She would prepare us, sweet-food, known as parasad, to eat
I would help her too, for the table to spread without salted meat
She would entertained us, on all hindu festive seasons
Surely, such do have many meanings and reasons

She is not of this world, when she appeared to me at first
I had to teach her everything, of this world that will surely last
Now, she holds a master degree, from the European university
in the field of anthropology, which she is now teaching in the city

She gave birth to me, a beautiful and wonderful daughter
which is of my desire, who shines my life with much laughter
My daughter, has been gifted and is a picture of her mother
proud of me as her father, to love and to cherish, one another

Our lives together, were true and sacred, meant for each other
the world turns, with brightness and darkness, sadness and happiness
so were our lives together, not much of a future, only with wonders
she was holy and pure and I was in great pains of agony and distress

For 12 years, we were together, sailing in a very small boat
trying to cross rough seas but was of no success to any shore
There were tasks of difficulties, without modalities, for sure
our destinations in life, were uncertain with vacillation to scope

Tears in my eyes

Waters are in my eyes, I feel like to cry,
toiling with those who care and to share.
Not only with pains as I am not too shy,
to let them out as they are already there.

Tears are in my eyes as a God gift to me,
It is the holy water that makes me to see.
It heals me as they sacredly flow down below,
rolling down from my cheeks as to bestow.

It gives me comfort at all time to my distresses
It heals me from my inner grieves and stresses
It makes me feel my light shadows of joys
It helps me cleanse from sadness into joys

It replenishes my soul into sublime obedience
It waters my faces that grows into significance
It conquers my selfishness and gives prudence
It makes my life comfort that bears tolerance

In the shadow of my dreams are tears upstream
that sails calmly upwards which cool the steam.
With red-heated eyes and a painful heart to tell
I am of he with blissful thoughts as my tears fell

They fell and rolled from my cheeks downwards
into the ground that soiled fruitful seeds upwards
My cheeks were not anymore soaked with tears
they were consoled and wiped off without fears

My tears always consolidating itself with mercies
which bolds me in the presence of God's glories
They gave to me modest satisfaction of comfort
that conquers my soul with peace and discomfort

Cry aloud the world must hear that you are not alone
for the world must see you are human with backbone
We are all humans with bodily flesh and crimson blood
with moral and spiritual feelings that we can uphold

Some would stand up with your tears altogether
Some would sit and applaud you with laughter
Some would exploit your tears as a weakness
Some would capitalized much more on sadness

Tears are not only from pains but with happiness
Tears were not created by God to His meekness
Tears would always be there for all our redness
Tears before God are our gestures of sacredness

Worshipping God with tears are fruits of forgiveness