[the Solution] Poem by Noemi Lee

You know, when I am around you, I am starkly aware that I don’t understand all of my feelings.
[or how to express my fearful thoughts]
I do not know how to explain this to you.
[and I am afraid that if I do, you will laugh at me- or worse- ignore me.]
So I think the best thing for me to do is to stop talking to you.
[it is the best thing]
This will cause my uncertainty to disappear.
[and give me stability]
After all, I am certain that not talking would be easier than working it out
[and forcing me to confront my fears and you.]
It makes you go away.
[it makes the fear go away]

You know when I am around you I am starkly aware that I do not know everything.
[I have a hard time accepting this fact]
I do not like being reminded of that fact because I do not understand my feelings and I do not know how to express them.
I cannot tell you this.
[what will you think of me? ]
The best thing for me to do is push you away
[quickly]
close the door
[swiftly]
and pull away
[with the speed of lightning]
Yes
This is exactly what I will do.
I cannot think of a better way to handle this.


(October 2001)