The Tawdry Apostrophe (Extended Metaphor) Part 5 Poem by Philip Housiaux

All tensely waiting, I see, for the well known party game
the apostrophe case of the possessive looking place name.
You know, a landmark that’s someone’s name plus an s ending.
Well that is the boa constrictor that needs taming
for it follows the rule, but in a most unusual way:
intrinsic ownership within ignored (often but not always) ,
thus making room, for the possession having its say.
So it’s plane St Pauls, and the Dean of St Paul’s
with a single apo s, when it’s his, the Dean’s I mean
there’s no uncertainty here, not the building at St Pauls.
But just between you and me, if it’s the Deans,
doesn’t it belong to the master of St Paul, and not stipend and celibacy?

Now boys you’ll want to court without shame and stammer
and there’s nothing that impresses like canonical grammar.
Of course take them on the continent, and plagiarise someone’s verses
hence your need for country and lady, or end up in a hearse.
So let us begin: don’t be confused, there’s really no need
when it ends in y, just replace with ie, then add s.
So it’s countries and ladies, always ie, and s for the plural.
But careful, only if it’s a shared possession is the apostrophe with the ie -
otherwise y strephein s for the singular spinster – be sensitive.
That’s right, don’t confuse the y plural replace with ie,
and the apostrophe for the singular possessive genitive.

Teacher feeling important: what is it Blair my boy, a fart?
Boy in school cricket team tie, and goodness a facial trophy
Why sir, this is marvellous. Instead of Lord Balfour purifying Palestine
and Lord Auckland failing to tame the villainous Afghani
(or should it prove necessary our liberation of Iraq)
in all verisimilitude and honesty, a welcome infamy
we need only have given them the apostrophe!