Paris, visiting Mycenae,
Spotted Helen, the city’s queenie;
She spotted him; the sparks they flew;
Her hubby, Menelaus, never knew,
And when the Trojans put to sea,
Helen was stowed aboard with glee.
When Menelaus found out, O Boy!
He vowed to put an end to Troy.
With Agamemnon, his king and bro,
They rallied all of Greece to go
Get Helen back and sack the city;
Believe me, their anger wasn’t pretty!
One day a lookout on Troy’s walls
Looked out to sea for storms or squalls,
Seeing instead a thousand ships,
He yelled a warning from his lips,
“To arms! To arms! The Greeks are here!
And are they pissed! Put on your gear! ”
And so the Trojan War began,
So says Homer an’ he’s da man;
Even the gods got in the game,
For each had favorites for fame;
Athene, Here, and Aphrodite
Contended with Zeus to win the fighty.
The Trojan army, led by Hector,
Outside the gates, vowed to protect ‘er;
While from the beach, the Greeks advanced,
The sunlight off their spearpoints danced;
Led Menelous and Agememnon,
With many a jewel and sporty gem on.
The armies crashed with war-cries ringing;
Spears and arrows and stones were slinging;
Thousands fell in that first great slaughter,
To leave many a son or wife or daughter;
Many a good man from both sides lay
Dead in the dust on that bloody day.
And the deadliest men, who fought with joy,
Achilles of Greece and Hector of Troy!
No warrior bold could conquor them,
As each slew nearly a hundred men,
And many a man, seeing them advance,
Might freeze or run or crap his pants.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.I would like to translate this poem