The Trouble With Math Poem by Dan Byron

In grammar school, numbers had their place, one, two, and three.
The logic was clear, and precise - it was then, and always would be.
In high school, math was no longer my friend.
A equaled B and C equaled three, I wasn’t sure about this new trend.

I tried to cope with this and use any logic that could be found.
The teacher said, “pie are square”, when I knew it to be round.
He said ”X” was twenty-seven and sometimes twenty-three,
I resolved to ask my parents and have them explain it to me.

I explained to my mother what the teacher said that pie are square.
She said she went to school in Canada and things were simple there,
One was followed by two and two in turn by three,
Pies were always round, and square could never be.

She thought that English numbers may not be the same at all.
She told me to wait for my father and he could explain it all.
I told him all that had happened and that “X” equaled twenty-three,
But pie are squared caused more humor, than I thought I would see.

He told me that pie are not square, not now, and never was.
He said to go back to school and do what the teacher does.
X was five and B was seven and if all else failed R equaled nine,
Just parrot what he said, don’t quarrel and life would be fine.

I had begun dating a girl three months younger than me.
The math she uses is understood by girls, not by guys like me.
Dating and then married, we’ve been together forty-five years.
Her math is not understood, no matter the sweat or tears.

My age and her age no longer keep the same progression,
My age increases rapidly and I called it to her attention.
She said no issue; she may count only one for my every three.
That explains why I am sixty-four and she is only forty-three.