The Vegetarian Haggis Poem by Bob House

The Vegetarian Haggis was written in January 2007 while the poet was working in a ski hire shop in Les Gets in the French Alps. He was about to recite Burns' famous 'Address to the Haggis' at the Bar Bush in Les Gets which was an annual event. Knowing that there was also to be a vegetarian option to the traditional Burns' Night Haggis neeps and tatties he decided that it would be fitting to provide a contemporary version which would follow Burns' aptittude for social comment. The poem therefore addresses this vegetarian option and comments somewhat irreverently on the food and diet ideas of the time.


Whit’s this you’ve put upon ma plate?
It looks familiar, aw, but wait
A classic ye wid imitate
But whit’s within?
I fear it couldnae be sae great
It is a sin

Its measly size, its measly wecht
The contents I can hardly check
Still, its politic’lly correct
To serve the few
Wha feel that eatin’ meat’s no richt
Whit can ye do?

“Don’t eat meat it’s far too risky”
Says some wummin frae San Franciscae
Nae wunner she’s no actin’ frisky
It’s awfy sad
We’ll soon hae alcohol-free whisky
Or some new fad

It’s allergy this and intolerance that,
Diet, detox, low carb tat
You’ll soon jist hiv tae eat yer hat
Gie it a chew
It’s high in fibre and low in fat
An’ recycled too

Let’s not lose oor joy tae eat
Be it nuts, fruit, grains or meat
Oor time is short, we shouldnae greet
But mak the most
Of ev’ry meal however fleet
Let’s raise a toast

So in our world of greenhouse gasses
Service culture, kissing asses
Embrace our new food for the masses
Like onion bhajees.
Here’s to it now, please raise your glasses
The VEGGIE HAGGIS!