To Tams Poem by Ashley Morrell

To Tams



I've been cut deep from these rugged remains. and i'm struggling to wipe away the stains. all i'm left with are these augmenting pains.

I've been windswept off my feet when i searched for these remains. an archaelogical excavation that never yearned to end.

I'm swinging from a tree like a monkey in a zoo in hope that you will too. i was colnel mustard and you were miss scarlet together we played the game and learned how to win; i never once wanted you to go thin.

All i'm left with are these bitter sweet memories. the dark chocolate left on the side which no longer left a taste after you left me in such a haste.

I wanted to be nice so i could suffice but i turned out to be a grain of rice.

so i'll write our names in this piece of wood so i'll know where we once stood.
I loved you my darling as best I ever could.

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Leslie Philibert 19 August 2012

Hallo Ashley, you wanted me to look at your work, so here I am. I think you write well and enjoyed this. It might be a good idea to work on the layout, make the phrases shorter, as I looks like a piece of prose, not so poetic.Try to present the ideas in blocks, right through with two, three or four lines, even free verse (I think) needs a structure. Avoid phrases like bitter sweet that have often been used and check colnel, I think you spell it Colonel. You have talent, there is lots to like here, Leslie.

0 0 Reply
Ashley Morrell 10 July 2012

To someone I loved and cherished

0 0 Reply
Ashley Morrell 10 July 2012

To someone I loved and cherished deeply.

0 0 Reply
READ THIS POEM IN OTHER LANGUAGES
Close
Error Success