Today Starts Without You Poem by Glazeh Costas

Today, I cried...
Coz today starts without you..you did see my tears..
I know you see it as the sunlight touch these eyes.
While they roll down in this smile, no one knows.

Today, I remember our last conversation, not too special..not too sweet..
I guess that was too simple, because we know we will be
seeing each other..
teasing each other…
eating our favorite food together…
going to mass together…
serving the good Lord…
laughing over simple jokes …
crying over a sad scene in movies or series…
pretending to sleep every time papa comes home drunk
(coz if he sees us awake, then we will talk till morning comes)
fighting…of course fighting…who would not fight? ?
Yeah! ! Loving and embracing our imperfections no one could understand.


Today, I can't stop myself crying
I remember all the things we have said to each other
and the things left unsaid..
I remember the years we slept together and the stories we shared…
I remember how we fight over petty things and how we end up that night..
(I'll hug you at the back while whispering these words, "Ma, let's be friends...i need to cuddle.")
then I weep, as everyday unfolds,
Without having these precious moments again to hold.


Today, is just another day for me to mourn,
But only when the curtains are closed.
I seemed fine as it used to be.
People cheering, people are happy because I am strong.
But they didn't know…they didn't know.
Do you?

Today, AGAIN, sadness fills the space you left.
The world lost its importance
Coz your absence gives room to an unbearable pain
Along with emptiness and sorrow.
They are tormenting me from today
Till the night even I sleep.
They grow and grow…
It consumes me.

Today i am starting to ponder on things.
I was trying to figure out how to stitch and patch things up,
When a big piece is missing,
How can I complete the puzzle without you?
Should I keep on grieving? When would I finally stop?
I won't stop.
or.... i don't know! I am not thinking at all..
Please leave this a battle within myself.
I do this always, perhaps, these are the voices we called regrets.

Today, I laughed, I went out..i play like I used to do when you were around..
Finally, I am happy back in this place, I called home.
The wind caressing, seemed like wiping the tears away
I close my eyes, taking back the summer memories
This is happiness! !


Today came flashing memories, as I stand in your grave.
I smiled remembering your last smile
Then I step out in the world carrying all the things you have said
Sooner I can tell you what I have learned after you left…
The things I did..and what I did not…
From this day without you…I will tell you everything
Just when I see you again…when I see you gain, MOTHER.