Troubled Tonight Poem by Jon Edward Walker

I can’t tell the difference
between the noise my computer makes
and car’s passing by,
or whether the whistling
in the background
is a nearbye firecracker
or a far off airplane,
everything is confused,
my cigarette won’t stay lit
and my bed won’t stay made,
despite my best efforts,
if I could give up
and give in to sleep,
I would.
But I can’t do that even,
all I can do is lie still
in the silence
and the darkness
thinking,
and sobering
unwillingly.
and nothing I think about
seems to make sense or be real,
except the one thing I
desperately don’t want to think about,
but do,
which seems more real than ever
but is impossible to explain
with words.