Twenty Eight Bairn Rhymes (Mr Pavolva) Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Mr. Pavlova’s Comb-Over

1.The Whirlwin

A whirlwin struck Ben Nevis. It sooked up 15 yowes
A hurcheon an a piece box fae aff its cauldrife
knowes
Alang wi twa backpackers, a meenister fae Troon
Twa Hydro-pylon sparkies an a reid hett air balloon
It wheeched abune the Trossachs liftit Rob Roy (an his beard)
A Heilan coo, a cooshie doo, an syne it disappeared!

2.DoonPish

The dyeuks are weirin wellies
The hen is in a mac
The hurcheon’s hoosie’s floodit
The lift is inky black
The rain is pure hale watter
It’s poorin cats an dugs
An it’s washed awa the tatties
Frae the grumphies’ yirdy lugs

3.Sleepless

Cuddies can sleep staunin up
Dolphins wi ae ee opened
Snails can sleep three year or mair
Bit ants are aywis waukened

4.Pirate Beardie

Pirate Beardie’s widden leg
Gaed the bairns a nesty fleg
A widpecker chapped throwe his peg
Cowp Pirate Beardie

5.The Yird

Fin aabody kent the Yird wis flat
As a Japanee Chinee plate
Ye cud gyang frae snaw in an Arctic floe
Tae a desert bi roller skate
Bit near the edge far Space began
Wis fu o haar an dim
Sae gin ye traivelled frae here tae there
Ye tae slow doon near the rim

6.The Spurgie

I am a low-fleein spurgie frae Cheam
Sorry! I just crashed inno yer dream.

7.The Duchess of Rothesay’s Visit

A dug an a duchess cam tae see
The Aiberdeen Readin Bus
The duchess pettit the spotty dug
It fairly enjoyed the fuss
She cam tae study the pots an buiks
An films that the bairnies made
The dug’s tail wagged an the duchess smiled
And we wish they had langer bed

8.Billy Boy

Far hae ye bin aa the day
Billy Boy, Billy Boy
Far hae ye bin aa the day,
Ma chermin Billy?
I’ve bin hooverin the flees
Frae ma granny’s hairy knees
Fur ma grunny is a puggie
An she Rumbas ben the trees

9.Aunty Mary (Traditional)

Auntie Mary had a canary
Up the leg o her draaers
She pued a string tae gar it sing
An doon cam Santie Claus

10. Ma Sister Belle

Ma sister Belle is a hairdresser
She washes hair
She’s twenty-two wi a blue tattoo
She disnae care
She gaed herself a perm ae nicht
She pit the curlers in ower ticht
The lavvie brush is a bonnier sicht
She disnae care

11. Prawns in Princes Street

This is the weather forecast
It’s dingin doon at Troon
An Ark has sailed by Culter
There’s dolphins in Dunoon
A whale’s lowped ower Ben Nevis
There’s prawns on Princes Street
King Neptune’s plunked his trident
At the heid o Arthur’s seat

12. Death o a Hamster(traditional)

Slowly an sadly we laid him doon
We rubbit his nose in butter
We pit him in a sardine tin
An floatit him doon the gutter.

13. Jessica

Jessica greets fin ye pit her doon
She’s bonnie an she’s bran-new
Bit fin ye lift her up tae daunce
The milk flees oot her mou

14.Superbabies

Super babies rax their airms
Their een are braw an fluttery
Bit fin they skirl an shakk their neives
Ye ken their dowp is skitter

15. The Puggies
Thirteen chikky puggies in a big Safari Park
They lowp on drivers’ cars an gie the wing mirrors a yark

16. The Asda Bears

At Asda last Monday I met three broon bears
Fillin their trolleys wi parritch an pears
They queued at the check oots, their mainners were rare
Three broon bears at Asda wi siller tae spare

17. Story Buik Fowk

Fin I am in ma bed at nicht, as sune’s I faa asleep
The fowk fa’s in ma story buik fae oot the pages creep
They play aroon the kitchie, fleg the budgie in her cage
Bit fin Davie Daylicht’s waukent, they rin back tae their page

18.The Turtles

A hunner wee turtles hatched oot on the beach
Rinnin tae paiddle an dook in the sea
Bit turtle is tasty an easy tae reach
An maist o them endit as somebody’s tea!

19. Bunfecht in the Bakery

There’s a bunfecht in the bakery
Wi neives instead o guns
Dinna try an calm the stooshie
Mangst the hett cross buns!
They threw tatties, neeps an ingins
An a pair o Spanish plums
In the bunfecht in the bakery
Atween hett cross buns

20. Tinnies

Sardines, sardines, squashed in a tin
Nae a heid atween them,
Haudin bellies in
Sailors sailors in a submarine
Mine an clean yer socks, lads,
An keep yer oxters clean!



21.Watter

Far wis the watter cam frae,
The watter that dreeps frae the tap?
Mebbe a dinosaur peed it
Or it fell frae a puddock’s lap!

22. Tune: Ba Ba Black Sheep

Fit like, quinie hae ye ony plooks?
That I hae in aa my neuks
Plooks on ma foreheid, plooks aneth ma claes
Plooks on ma oxters, plooks atween ma taes

23. Gin ye gang by Bramblebrae

Gin ye gang by Bramblebrae
There’s nae fruit tae see
Bit wheelie bins an cola tins
An miles o masonry

Gin ye gang by Heatheryburn
Aa ye’ll see’s a street
Nae a pikk o heather bells
Tae gar the air smell sweet

Gin ye gang by Fernielea
Ye michtna even myne
Aince this wis a flooery park
In Auld Lang Syne

24. Fit Like Kittlin?

Fit like kittlin,
Hae ye got a flech?
Watch me scrat min
Till I pech
Flechs on ma tailie,
Flechs on ma dowp
Flechs alang ma fuskers
That gar me lowp!

25. Percy the Parrot

Percy wis a parrot
Naethin wid he say
Bit ‘Go an gie’s a candy
An dinna be a day!

26. Five Wee Riveries

Five wee riveries ran doon a leafy bouer
‘Pouer’ cried the Hydro Boord
Syne there war fower

Fower wee riveries rinnin cantily
‘Beer’ cried the brewery
Syne there war three

Three wee riveries rinnin cauld an braw
‘Pipeline’ cried the Watter Boord
Syne there war twa

Twa wee riveries rinnin short o rain
‘Hose Pipe’ cried the gairdeners
Syne there wis ane.

Ae wee riverie
Rinnin sweet an clear
‘Drain it’ cried the architect
‘There’s hooses planned fur here.’

Nae wee riveries fur fishies tae hae fun
Aa the watter catched an trapped
In pipes aneth the grun

27. The Chuddy

I’m a daud o chuddy stukken on a mat
Colleckin bits o caddis, like fluff fae aff the cat
I’m a daud o chuddy, I aince wis saft anroon
Ow! Here’s a muckle buit, cam tae tramp me doon

28. Auld Meldrum’s Moose

Auld Meldrum had a metal moose
Upon a railin steekit
It boltit- sic a tirravee
Fit thievin vratch did wheech it?
Gin ye should spy a metal cat
Atap a wheelie bin
Ye’ll ken thon moose wis etten bi
A cattie made o tin