Unsent Letter Poem by Maya Hanson

I wish I could stop caring,
I don't know how you can't need me
but every door I knock on looks like yours so how can I enter them

I tiptoe through the streets wishing
sewers were trapdoors
and I could jump and fall for years before landing in an alternate universe

where every stoplight doesn't blink a glare and a lecture from my future self,
where every piano I come to doesn't stretch like elastic
reaching for my fingertips and begging for another song about you

But we still drag our sticky boots through the mud,
maybe in a mile it'll turn into dirt,
maybe maybe maybe

and the bullets sing in an ancient tongue,
the one that was made for us,
the one I can pull out of a hat without warning
I wish I could stop caring.

I would say I wish I could stop living but that would piss people off.

You have too much, they'd say
too much in front of you
too much behind you
too many acquaintances who have it worse off.

Maybe it would sadden them if I said it
but I doubt it
People are angry.

People are just like I feel like I should be when I say
I wish I could stop caring.

But I'm not angry…
I can't be
when the last word I said to you was maybe.