Crystal Johnson

Rookie (8-17-91 / Maury County, Tennessee)

Untill I Love Me Too - Poem by Crystal Johnson

I act like I’m okay with who I am and how I feel,
But if you’d listen close enough, you’d realize I’m not being real.
You listen to the things I say, but not the things I don’t,
You see what’s right before your eyes, but not the things I’m scared to show.
Right now I’m just uncomfortable, I feel like I cant breath,
I want to tell you how I feel, but I’m scared of what you’ll think.

I’m self-conscious of my appearance, I hate the way I am.
I hate the fact I have to hide, why don’t you understand?
I want so badly to let go, and to be happy with myself,
But it seems like it’s impossible, I’m not like everyone else.

I don’t walk around with my head held high, instead it’s always down,
I walk around with fake, forced smiles, I guess I’m too ashamed to frown.
I cry myself to sleep at night, praying that things will change,
I don’t like being so hard on myself, I don’t like feeling this way.

But it’s so easy to discredit yourself, before anyone else has the chance.
So I’m the first one to laugh at myself, so that nobody else can.
I know you say you'll love me, no matter what I do.
but I'm scared that if I tell you things,
Our relationship will come unglued.

I can't keep pretending I'm happy, behind this mask I wear
In fact, I really hate it. It's more than I can bear.
But I have to hide my insecurities, so that you'll never see,
Behind this mask of happiness, I hate being me.

Yes, mom, I know you love me
But for now this mask will have to do.
I have to keep on hiding, untill I can love me too.

Comments about Untill I Love Me Too by Crystal Johnson

  • (4/2/2006 6:22:00 PM)

    I agree with Sally! You're on the right track Crystal. It's so easy to put ourselves down, I mean, who else knows the 'real' us? I pray you'll be able to see that exactly what and who you are may not be just 'like everyone else' but that's what make you special. (And I think you'd be very suprised to know what others really thought about themselves!) I think most people feel this way or have felt this way before. Sincerely, Mary (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, April 1, 2006

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