Untold Secrets Poem by Psychotic Rose

06~06~2019 3: 23am

Have you ever found yourself
In the midst of a trance
A place where you have so much to say
But you choose to keep quiet
Not for a big reason
But to reserve whatever relation
You have with a person

We'll that's me

I found myself reading a book
Called Crazy~Sexy~Psycho
This book had attracted me
By just it's cover
And it was such a coincidence
That I get it

But it seems to have come
At the right time.

A time where I have such mixed emotions
No, not the usual sadness and emotionless
But more of cravings and determinations
Like an addiction of some sort

My fix is someone I fear to loose
Still hoping time keeps us together
Trying my best to hide what is inside...
How I really feel at the moment.
Wanting to tell them so badly
But unable to because of
Our point of focus.

Afraid to be a destraction
Trying my utmost best to focus
Only on my studies
But it seems like I can't function well
Without a small moment of conversation
Or just their presence.

Confirmation of small information
For clearance of change
Yet still feel so far away
And pushed aside.
Craving for a small show of affection
Like I've been waiting for a
Long-lost lover from the future-past.

Totally understanding where attention
Is needed and where it's meant to be
But also feeling like syncing in
With the background like
A photographers backdrop.

I read this book and it seems to relate
So much to how I feel
Funny enough it has characteristics
Of our lives
Like we have so much in common
And in my head we could just be
The perfect fit
But remember nothing is ever perfect
Maybe in a fairytale but this is Reality

We become such strangers at times
As though there's a wall
That stands between us
Like we long lost friends in the morning
Strangers in each other's presence
During the day
And fading memories in the night.

Seeming to fall in some sort of quicksand
Scared and determined to make it
Through the block and make up
For all the feelings of utter failure

Trying not to be pressurous
And leaving them to focuss 100%
When really deep down all
You'd rather ask for is 2% of their attention
But feel rather selfish and just let it be.

Feeling like shutting out the world
And retreating into a quiet space
My own world just be quiet
Not really rely on anyone
Ask for help where needed
But also give help where it's needed

Get off the net for a while
Just retreat into your own world
Where you focuss on your studies
But yet you sleep and wake up
Feeling different the next day.

And on that day it seems
All you need is to be around people
Because in your own silence
Everything around you has a voice
Not forgetting all the voices
Inside your own head.

Try reading but it too can't be an escape
For its not everyday one feels to read.
Trying to find a distraction
But at the same time feeling a mess.

It's not much I can say
But there's so much I'd like to tell you.
But your emphasis of certain words
Makes me keep mine mouth shut
And just sit in my own silence.

Like I say some things need balancing
So for an unstable Rose like me
I need the Soil, Light and Water to grow
So they balance out well
To contribute to healthy growth
So I too have shimmering petals.

Yours sincerely

Psychotic_Rose🌹