Vicious Circle Poem by Nick Fay

Look, I don’t know what I want to say, how to say it in a written way,
Your facebook page isn’t an ideal place to try to explain or display my dismay to the conversation you retain,
you don’t reply and that’s what irritates,
Now I know we we’re never mates, close or close to it, we barely passed the acquaintance stage,
Even though I’ve tried of late to change the state of play,
the fact remains we are to stay strangers all the same,
Now I wouldn’t blame or berate you if you was happy but that clearly ain’t the case,
You may ask why I waste my time to write when hastily you don’t think twice to reply, despite me being a nice guy,
Which you might realise if you took the time to type instead of declinin my invite to talk online,
See I’m a good person,
Kind, polite, not a liar or caster of aspersions,
Thoughtful, selfless, making people happy my purpose,
Sweet, generous, but I’m a social disaster with aspergers’ and I don’t know how to converse in a way deemed normal,
That may seem unharmful, but believe me I have dreamed of a place more awful,
If such a place exists, I’ll be there soon enough; I’m forever pacing closer but that aint the path i chose,
I suppose I have often been referred to as a freak,
Irreparable hurt incurred by the way I think n speak, undeserved carelessly despairingly bleak,
Undeterred, I try to not let it get to me,
Yet I seek solice in the bag of weed that I need to release the grief, and ease the pain of each of these kicks in the teeth,
Which don’t break my smile but all the while break me underneath, riles, awakes and feeds the beast,
Weed bequeaths its feast, makes me cease to think and to not concede defeat,
Takes away at least some of the bad things, less inclined to think them over,
In my mind there’s nothing worse than being sober, incites me to find a cure for the curse that is my disorder but I can’t rewind the time,
I don’t have an ounce of malice, disrespect or indecency,
So why am I denounced by people with no interest to connect to or even speak to me?
More importantly why do I feel the need to keep trying, to proceed and not give up?
Just my luck I don’t know the answers so my problem’s ongoing,
I’m stuck in that rut and I can’t solve it, it’s a vicious circle constantly revolving,
Like this involving you, the reason I like your statuses and send you messages,
Your ignorance bothers me incessantly but I like the sentimentality you inhibit,
Deceivingly makes me think you’re a nice person, the silence reveals the true version,
Leaves me feeling a certain degree of desertion when I’ve never done no harm to you,
I just don’t get how you can say lads are knobs when it’s down to you which ones get through,
And you choose to ignore one who’s enthused to get to know you, not out for what he can get,
I regret thinking that that may have been enough to deserve your time.