What Nobody Knows Poem by Kelsey Gallant

Sunshine
Masquerading in a parade of contrived happiness
But this is not how I really feel

Glow and smiles
Smiles all around and one of them is mine
But it isn't real

My friends, I call them friends, but is that really what they are?
They see my trendy clothes, arranged so carefully-
So that they are what is focused on, rather than the real me

They see my shiny, luscious hair
My practiced smiles, self-assured air
They do not know I am an actress
That every laugh is a curtain to cover how I really feel

If they knew about my parents
If they knew about the fights
The screaming, the throwing, the tears I cry each and every night

I would lose something about me
I would feel trespassed upon
And, since they are not living my life, how could they understand?

So I cannot let them know
I hide
Silently
Keeping my life to myself because everyone has enough to be getting on with
Without adding my troubles to the mix

How do I cope, you ask?
There is One
One whom I can show my full self to because he knows me anyway
The only one I never hide from

In the deepest, darkest nights
When I'm left alone with my tears and my thoughts that chase me with hammers, relentlessly-
I can speak to God
I never make a sound
But He hears me
And that is what keeps me holding on
When my life and my oppressors make me feel doomed

The real me
Is somebody you'll never see
Hiding behind a curtain of anonymity

It hurts too much, the truth
Too much to share with anyone else
So I just pretend
That every day is full of rainbows and gleaming joy
And that way, nobody has to watch me crumble

I am strong
I'll win this fight
And maybe someday everything will really be all right
But for now I hide

And every day is sunshine
Masquerading in a parade of contrived happiness
But nobody knows how I really feel.