What's Life Without Pain? Poem by Miiya Skky

Sometimes I wonder why I feel the things I feel? , or think the desires of wants & needs but spat at with rejection of the life I always longed for. Everything hurts but no one sees my pain, no one cares enough to notice. To love me enough to stay by my side to help cure it. All this pain I feel compressed against my chest, I can't stand it anymore. I'm emotionally & physically tired of trying at all. Exhausted from pretending a happy life, smiling thru each day.
Still the pain I feel will never go away, I feel so hopeless to it all. Behind the door I'd cry in silence, till the quiet puts me to sleep.
I let people into my life, tell them my feelings, share my soul, give them my heart. They comfort me by broken promises of never hurting me, then they leave me in silence with no say.
This darkness is slowly starting to take over this life of mine, starting to feel lonely, frightened, and sad. I think to myself this was it, how can things get any worse? I just want a trusting hug of no worries of such pain, I'm so tired of trying to fight off this eternal dying life curse. Even my dreams are no longer my safe Haven but just memories of a life of lies. Each morning I wake up it seems like it gets harder, harder to bear.
Now when I think of my future I really don't care. Once the sun hits my face and a realization of a new day hits me I wish it was my last, in tears that's the prayer I kneel down and say.
The monster that resides in this body now is more painful then anything you cud ever imagine. Still I smile and hope that things can get better, that this pain won't last for ever.
Only to know that even lying to myself is just as worse.