Where Do Wind Go? Part 1 Of 4 Poem by Rey Benipayo

In my deep sleep there is a nightmare.
A man who seemed familiar to me that I knew.
He is always my dream, every night.
I'm always seeing him in a my dream walking
Walking in a dark place, wearing white clothes
Walking in bare foot in a muddy and dark road.
I see his sad and helpless face.
Then he stopped and knelt in front of a wooden cross.
A wooden cross planted on the ground that someone seems buried.
Suddenly it rained heavily and from where he kneel he got struck by a flood.
And suddenly his head bleed... a lot of blood.

Every night I visited by this nightmare
I started when borrowed an old book,
"A Farewell to Arms" by Hernest Hemingway is the title,
At our school library for thesis.

One day I opened the book to read.
I discovered the letter clipped on one of the pages.
It is a slightly old letter, it is a man's handwriting.
I lay down on my bed and read:

My beloved friend Belinda,
Forgive me if despite of being a best friend,
My feeling for you is different... more than that!
Maybe if you can read it, don't be mad at me.
If your situation is not that complicated,
If I am brave and courageous
We may be living happier and far from this.
I love you and I will do everything for you.

I know you feel depress now, I feel it too
I see it to your face when we talk
You're sad because you know you're getting married
You will be married to a man you never loved,
To the man you have not known yet and you have just once seen
And there is no guarantee if he will ever love you.

I admit, I'm stupid but I'm afraid to tell you.
I am afraid that our long time friendship may have ruined if so.
After all our friendship has this far, isn't it?
Hopefully, you'll be happy... to one you will marry.
The who sympathize with your sadness, Renan.

Once more a nightmare visit me again,
I'm walking in a creepy place
I bare foot walking in the mud
In the distance I saw a large house
Then suddenly there was an earthquake, it's for a second,
I felt like someone is behind my back, I turn around.
I saw a massive flood of water coming.
It is black, very fast, deep and full of dead bodies
I got carried, in it strength I drowned... suddenly I woke up.

It is morning, a few hours now I'm going to school
When I got out of the room I was ready to eat
My parents are miraculously there, it seems they want to talk to me.

Mama eats while Papa is reading news in the newspaper.

"Jonard, we're some special people to meet this Saturday
So if you have some activities, cancel it. ", My mom said.

I did not ask I know I can not refuse them
I just nod and eat quietly.

I... I'm Jonard Chan, the only son of a well-known businessman in Bicol
For once in my life, I've never been happy!
All my life I'm dependent and I don't follow myself
But them... my parents, they are the one who decides for me!
They know what's right and bad for me
All my life lived alone because they choose my friends
Now even my the person I will love they are going to choose?

I know this it, that I will meet a woman I am going to marry
It is very difficult to really accept this situation
That nothing is assured if she is will love me in the end
I'm getting married to a girl I've never seen in my life
The heart has its own mind and is never dictated
I can not do anything but to accept this situation.

Why mama and papa, they been to this situation
Like me they were forced to get married even without certainty
Because we businessman, rich and well known in society.

My parents are best friends will my fiancee so they want us to be together
They live in Masbate and sometimes only spend their time here in Legaspi
I understand them even when I know it's wrong, I don't want to repeat the past
I will be the only one who will inherit and manage our businesses
I love them because they are my family I can sacrifice for them
Yet deep inside I feel resentful to them, it feels like they imprison me
When will I be free? When will I be happy?
Why is this happening to me? Where will all this be?

TO BE CONTINUED