Why Do I? Poem by Jasjiv Singh

why do i still think of her despite all the pain she gave?
why do i long to be in her arms that smelt of hope?
why do i still believe that only with her i can be brave?
why do i hope to find her again, steal her and elope?
why do i want to call her every time the clock shows seven?
why do i care if she's living her life happy or sad?
why do i wish to kill her, die and be together in heaven?
why do i think these dirty thoughts, so negative and bad?
why do i perform good deeds thinking God sees and will bless?
why do i assume these will take me to her one day?
why do i look forward to visiting her town and add to the mess?
why do i shout out to her in my head every minute the same way?
why do i fancy a tattoo of her face on my back, arm and wrist?
why do i thirst for the blood that the needle will make to flow?
why do i allow my feelings to paint her, why don't i resist?
why do i crave her to kiss these etchings really sweet and slow?
why do i travel so often just to keep escaping from her smell?
why do i cut through loneliness with the bottle in my hands?
why do i make untrue fantasies in my head leading to hell?
why do i perform this torture to myself, loneliness only expands?
why do i continue on remembering her name next to mine?
why do i subdue my will to enjoy in these torrid times?
why do i misunderstand anyone's else friendly line?
why do i always cry my heart out through my rhymes?


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