Kar Chun

Rookie (Sept 10th 1992 / Belize)

Year One - Poem by Kar Chun

I sit here and look at myself
I’m no longer a lil girl
I grew up and fast
I am now more mature
But with you gone, I feel lost
If you could only see
If you could only know
Know the pain that you caused
You hurt us so much
I hated you for doing this
I hated you with my whole heart

I even convinced myself
That it’s better without you
But I lied to myself
Nothing would be as easy
Everything seem like torment
Everyday that goes by seemed harder
And without you it hurts
I still can’t believe it
Can’t believe you did what you did

You hurt mom’s heart so much
She even questioned if you really cared
The question haunted me for days
I myself couldn’t believe it
But 2 years have gone
They went by so quickly
Barely anyone knew how much time went
I still haven’t gotten the courage
The courage to face you

Just thinking bout you hurts me
I think about how things wud be
How life wud be if you were here
But I guess all I can do is wonder
You’re gone but I will see you again
That you can count on
My love for you had almost died
But with help I learned you were weak
I used to think that crying meant I was too
But truth is crying relieved me
Tears ran down for so many nights that
I thought that I wudn’t be able to cry
But I saw ur picture and the pain
The pain was there again

At this point my heart is racing
My mind is wondering
I feel so lost and confused
I still cant say why
I am not sure why I feel this way
The pain is killing me inside
I am not sure at this point
Wat to do or wat to say! ! !
Life is getting harder day by day
My life is not as it was before
Now I gotta make my own decisions
Now I gotta learn to stand on my own
I doubt any1 could compare to wat I feel

You meant a lot to me
But you didn’t know that
You hurt us so much
It almost felt like...
Like you didn’t care...
I know that’s a lie now
But the pain you felt is nothing
Nothing compared to mines
You now feel nothing
But the pain I have is here
It sinks into my heart and...
The things I wud want to do.
But I’m head strong so I won’t
I promised I wudn’t....
To dis day I still rise above you

No worries doh, we will meet
And when that happens
I will enjoy my world wit you
And no one would be able to take you away
I love you so much daddy.


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Poem Submitted: Monday, February 8, 2010



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